Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Randomize
