p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
