Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
you guys were way drunker than both of me
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.