shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Randomize
