I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
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Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
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This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.