haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult