i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
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He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
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Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship