New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
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Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
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He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.