Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
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