This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Randomize
