So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Randomize
