No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
