she sounds like chewbacca in bed
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
