Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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