If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
