What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
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