my phone needs a breathalizer
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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