Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Randomize
