Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
