The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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