i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
