Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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