Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Randomize
