she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
