member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
