bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
