so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
