Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Randomize
