He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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