girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
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