wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
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