Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
