why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
