I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
there is glitter all over my balls
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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