maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
