look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize