so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
