I can't watch pbs sober anymore
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize