This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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