today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
