I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
