i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
