thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
