did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
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The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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