I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Randomize
