halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
