fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
