I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
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