i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
