But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Randomize
