Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
