sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
