Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
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