I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
