I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Randomize
