i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
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There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
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The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
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