Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
