I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
