Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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