can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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