thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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