And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
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He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
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oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
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