Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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