Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize