Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Randomize
