if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
i think i have herpe
just one?
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
