made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
