the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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