So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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