i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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