i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I just found puke in my bra..
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize