Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I've blown a few things in my day
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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