I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
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