I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
i barfeds in our rink
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
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