Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Randomize
