You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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