Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
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