too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
