I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
