3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
