i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
