I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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