the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
