oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
