I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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