Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
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