You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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