You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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