Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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