There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
