dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
