I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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