It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
