Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
