She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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