we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
